yo leave my boy lucas alone
I'm a streamer who Likes to write and draw. . I mostly Stream games I like, I draw stuff that makes me happy, and I hope that we finally get the fabled writing portal someday. I'll be hanging out and chasing my dreams
Age 27, Male
New York
Joined on 11/26/19
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Comments
Wow! It's really hard to do suspense and action in a short story like this, and you crushed it! You did a great job being descriptive in a really interesting way, but you were also able to avoid being over the top! I think you really paced this well, which is also difficult to do in a piece like this. Overall I loved this and I don't really have any constructive feedback on it! Thanks for participating and I look forward to your participation in the future!
i adore the descriptive language! gave me chills. congrats!!
Aw man, this rocks! Your idea of having a glass beast is really unique and the execution of it was great, I’d say the description of Lucas seeing his reflection in the beast as it towered over him is my favorite. Gotta very vivid image in my head. Great work!
A great example of classic horror story. Can't actually say a lot, it was very enjoyable to read and a well deserved victory!
Thank You everyone for checking my story out and the feedback. I never would've expected a big win but here it is lol. Um I like horror and I think horror is hard to Land but easy to write. I had fun with this piece and thanks for the opportunity to share my storytelling on a public place. Really built up my confidence. I love newgrounds and the community and really hope to participate more with writing and other creative ventures. (I say as if I having been posting art here for awhile lol) See everyone in the next big thing or collab or meetup whichever comes first lol
Very great work! I'd say overall that your pacing and especially descriptions are top notch work. I also wasn't sure where the story was going or how it would play out until the horror element was introduced, yet was still drawn in from the beginning. Readers could also formulate theories in regards to the creatures reasoning, such as it deciding to attack due to you not being the uncle or perhaps your uncle left it to you in the hopes that an "accident" would happen (these kinds of things are fun). I could be wrong, but this is the kind of thing I could see being published in print.
Most of the criticisms I have with the story are probably present only due to the constraints of the contest's word limit, as it seems like the monster reveal was rushed and could have done with more build up. Also, the attic portion and the ending after the monster's destruction could have been fleshed out with more description of his thoughts or other things, as having it end with "it was at that moment he was left shattered." doesn't really feel impactful and the sentence more so feels like just a justification for the title (it also doesn't make much sense as just before that line, it said he raised his arm in victory).
Lastly, there is a question. The monster appeared on all reflective surfaces except for the computer. I thought there was going to be a reason behind it that would reveal a limitation of the creature, but this is never addressed again. What's up with that?
Congratulations on the win!
Oh def a lot of the constraints were on the word limit. I had a whole idea fleshed out involving a mansion that I had to cut down. I wouldn't mind revisiting in the future. As for the Demon only appearing in the reflections, A smartphone screen is made of glass, and the TV screen was also made of glass. The demon appears in the reflections of glass surfaces and it can also be seen through glass objects like the Glasses hence why it used it's powers to break them. Due to time and word constraints I was gonna have a part where he uses a vase or a cup to see the monster but that had to be cut in the brainstorming session
Kickass story! There's not much I can add that hasn't already been said, but this was awesome.
One detail that I thought added some character was having Lucas have a CD collection instead of listening to music on one of the modern devices he has. If you ever choose to expand the story, maybe his love for music could fit in there somewhere. Maybe at one point in the story, he thinks he's rid of the monster, and some time after, he learns how to play a glass armonica... Could be a good time for the monster to show up again, eh?
Ooh i like the way you thinking there with the foreshadowing through the instrument. Def want to return to this story for like a full length thing
Sheik13LoZ
Enjoyed this a lot! The glass theme was so creative. Liked seeing it slowly develop into a horror story, and how the locked room came back at the end.